Be warned: after I've finished writing this, they'll have to spray for crazy. You might get some on you.
Every year, I make a spreadsheet of the new fall TV schedule.
...Shut up.
That isn't even the half of it. One tab of the spreadsheet is the entire network schedule, which I assemble from various blogs and the network sites themselves. There's always a bit of shuffling before September, so I review it every once in a while to make sure I have the right times and days.
...yeah, I do. Shut up.
You might say I really excel at Excel, so I've got quite the attractive grid at this point. Which I then color code. One color for new shows, one color for returning shows I don't watch, one color for returning shows I have to watch, and one for returning shows that I don't hate, but could live without.
Then (...shut up!), based on the grid of five networks times umpteen primetime slots, and my convenient color coding of same, I choose up to three shows per time slot. Yes. Three. Shut up. Two get recorded on the dual-tuner TiVo upstairs, and the third is recorded on the old TiVo in the basement.
Yeah, we have two TiVos, technically three — one is on loan with a friend. Shut. Up.
The second tab of the spreadsheet is the list of shows I plan to record, and on which machine. There's also an alternate column for shows that I can record when they're rerun in the middle of the night.
But that's not all. Because what kind of TV watcher would I be if I didn't color code my own personal schedule as well? When I was in school last year, there were more colors for shows I would save for between terms, shows I would regularly download to watch while on trains (so many trains), and then red text instead of black for new shows. This year I've settled into two colors, for new and returning only. Nothing like a simple spreadsheet to reflect my simplified life.
I have the capacity to record about 60 hours of primetime TV per week. Not even I reach this maximum — it's generally between 20 and 30. However, I have to arrange my more than 60 TiVo Season Passes by what day the show airs and then review the list to make sure everything will be recorded. (In case you're wondering, this takes about 45 minutes. Moreover? Shut up.)
It's safe to say I watch a lot of television. However, just to be clear: I have a decades-long history of not watching Jay Leno, and that's a tradition I wouldn't think of abandoning. Shut up, Leno.